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It can be exciting or provide a tremendous sense of relief, but it also carries the risk of rejection, discrimination, harassment or even physical violence.
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A person who is coming out may experience a roller coaster combination of joy, fear, self-confidence, vulnerability, pride or anxiety. They may also be afraid of making the situation uncomfortable or saying something they might regret. Adapted from an article by Amanda Perry at Care2.
Listening will show that you respect them and help put them at ease. However, if he or she seems upset, go ahead and comfort them. Ask appropriate questions. Think about your relationship with this person before they came out. How close are you? How many personal details have you shared in the past?
Use discretion. Questions that are appropriate for your best friend or your brother might cross a line with a new acquaintance or a coworker. By coming out, your acquaintance is seeking acceptance as an LGBTQ personnot as a walking sexual fetish. Just remember to be polite and respectful.
Use slang terms or offensive language. However, every person is different and a term embraced by one person might be offensive to someone else. When in doubt, ask how they prefer to identify — or better yet, just call them by their name. Remember the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity.
Gender identity is about how you relate to your ascribed gender role and your body. Ask about confidentiality and reassure them of your confidence. Is he or she telling everyone or just you? While some people come out to everyone, all at once, others come out in gradual stages.
Take it personally, or assume this means that he or she has a crush on you. Coming out can be very daunting. No closeted LGBT person ever intends to betray or deceive someone they care about. There are many reasons why someone would wait to come out. It could make you defensive and he or she might feel uncomfortable or self-conscious as a result.
Thank them for trusting you. They respect you, feel comfortable with you and value your relationship. He or she may also wish to form a stronger connection by sharing something so personal. Bring up politics or religion, offer unsolicited advice or make rash decisions.
If you disagree over LGBT issues, there will be other opportunities to have a polite discussion.